isolation issues

Today was weird. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and most of the working world (at least the part of it here on music row) was already gone. It's only the beginning of my first holiday season working on my own. And I have never felt more isolated.

There are so many great things about working on my own time and my own terms. But lately I have really been missing being around other people. I make sure that every day, I get out and do at least one thing where I have to interact with others. But still, there is always something that separates me from them. Like I am an observer rather than a participant.

I get up every morning and work in my home office. And every day at the end of the day, I cook my own dinner and try not to think about how nice it would be to have someone to enjoy it with me. The thing is, I work in a cool business where there always seems to be something going on. So why this feeling of isolation? I've been thinking lately that it's time for me to go mobile, to join the coffee house culture and make the world my office. I just want to be able to feel the energy of other human beings around me while I'm doing what I do. Then again, I still want the option of working in my bathrobe until noon.

Which brings me to one of the joys of this "doing my own thing..." and which reminds me of a Shawn Mullins song I heard today for the first time. Could have sworn it was new, but it was apparently on his big 1998 release, Soul's Core. It was only new to my ears...

"I said 'I don't reckon i'll be
makin it big,
you know it's hard to get rich
off a tout of coffee house gigs'
and he said 'yeah, but ain't it a blessin
to do what you wanna do...'"

Gorgeous song. Now that I look at the lyrics all by themselves, it seems that they don't work as well without the man singing them. But the message is the same either way. Going after what you want most (freedom) always seems to mean giving up something else (money). What do I need to give in order to get what I want now?